Metade por inteiro

Fátima Soares

 

                   A estação do ano era o outono. A da vida também. Aos 55 anos, ela vesperava o inverno.
            Era uma sexta-feira 13, dia de Santo Antônio: o santo casamenteiro. De casamento, ela entendia, e muito bem. Duas vezes casada, os dois maridos parecem ter sido escolhidos a dedo. O primeiro, mais jovem do que ela dois anos, foi a primeira paixão da adolescência. Amor muito bem correspondido, amor de alma gêmea. Dele, nasceram três botões de rosas.
            O segundo, muito cobiçado pelas mulheres, mais velho, lhe foi entregue virgem. Padre desde a juventude, abandonou o celibato, quebrando os votos de castidade, para, a ela, dedicar amor completo.
            O mês era a metade do todo: junho. Metade que ela foi a vida inteira. Metade da vida dedicada ao primeiro, e, metade do que viveu, a outro.
            Das decisões tomadas na vida, todas foram certezas. A indecisão não fazia parte do seu dicionário de vida. Pulso forte, palavra que não voltava atrás, ela era, ao mesmo tempo, amada por muitos e odiada por tantos. E, seguia, independentemente de aplausos e vaias.
            Precoce, antes da adolescência, já se aborrecia com a injustiça social, a discriminação racial, a fome de pão e de Deus. Pensou em ser noiva de Cristo, para ficar à frente dessas causas. Mas, logo descobriu que ao invés de criar asas para isso, cortar-lhe-iam as atrofiadas que tinha. Assim, foi a campo sozinha. Então, apareceu o primeiro. Companheiro de lutas, parceiro de alegrias, foi parceiro por inteiro. Moraram na favela para ficarem próximos dos excluídos.
            Com o nascimento das filhas, buscaram lugar menos perigoso, mas não abandonaram os filhos de Deus. De perto, de longe, sempre eram presenças.
            Na igreja que frequentavam, o belo padre, de físico altivo e forte, rosto bonito, firmeza de voz, linda voz que encantava as missas, surgiu, na pureza, a paixão. Paixão recíproca, embora o pecado fosse também o empecilho que se interpunha entre eles. O dela, a jura diante do altar, para o resto da vida. O dele, a promessa, também, feita no altar, para servir eternamente a Deus.
            Mas ela sempre agia por inteiro, e, se ao padre faltassem coragem e força, ela lhe era o esteio. Colocar um ponto final em um casamento com frutos e assumir o amor de um padre, conhecido no Estado e respeitado pelos fiéis, foi a força que o impulsionou ao mesmo.
            O rebuliço, a revolta, o ciúme, a falta, foram fantasmas que se fizeram reais.
            Mas eles não capitularam. Foram.
            Do até então marido, a dor maior não foi o ciúme do rival, mas a perda da esposa.
            Então, ele foi ao fosso. Desceu ao poço, e custou a emergir.
            Quanto ao padre, surpreendeu fiéis que perderam a fé, abandonaram a igreja, e, cognominaram-no de Judas.
            Passou o tempo. Passaram-se anos.
        Quando tudo parecia aquietar os ânimos, a “indesejável” começou a enviar recado. Primeiro sutilmente. Um dia, uma dor aqui. Noutro, outra dor ali. Mas ela ignorava. Lutava feroz e solitariamente em aceitar a nova companheira. Mantinha-se forte, driblava a sorte, e silenciava.
            Até o dia em que não conseguiu silenciar os gritos de dor. A família reunida achegou-se. Assustou-se. A foice já descera, não tinha mais jeito. Já era fim de linha. Batalha perdida.
            O primeiro e o atual, à esquerda e à direita da cama, tais quais os dois ladrões no martírio de Jesus.
            Ela ainda resistiu, digladiou-se com Ela. Não ia entregar os pontos, ainda que o sofrimento não a abandonasse.
            Até que, no Dia dos Namorados, 12/06, os dois ao seu lado, ela pediu para partir. Agora, sozinha. E, sob lágrimas fortes, foi-se.
            Na sexta, 13, dia de Santo Antônio, à hora terça, a urna, ao som arranhado das correntes, desce a terra.
            Juntos, lado a lado, abraçados, o primeiro e o atual. Amigos para sempre. Duas metades que se despedem do inteiro!

                  

23.122 thoughts on “Metade por inteiro”

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